I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I forget how to act sober
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