just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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