pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Just high enough for therapy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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