Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize