Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The power of my boobs compel you
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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