You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize