My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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