I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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