how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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