and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
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you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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