ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize