well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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