I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize