he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
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I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
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I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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