Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize