Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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