If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
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halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
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He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Every concussion has its silver lining
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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