I'm so fucking centered right now
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize