It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize