I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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