sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
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It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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