The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She bit a glass in half.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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