Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
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Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
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Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
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