Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize