So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
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And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
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