Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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