can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
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Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
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Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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