I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The air was thick with penises
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize