So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize