I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
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Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
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I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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