Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
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I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
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I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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