Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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