This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize