She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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