I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
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We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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