it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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