Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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