Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
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Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
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I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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