The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize