so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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