I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I need to calm my uterus...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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