i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
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It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
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I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize