when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
We are all done wearing pants today
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize