It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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