There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize