Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
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I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
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There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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