every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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