I accidentally burped into my bong.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
even my farts smell like vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize