i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
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He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
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Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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