Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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